Blissfully Poetic

 My mind has strayed away from treading in unknown places. My limbic system has been misplaced, or this section reserved for affection in my mind has been relocated and in such cases these places are familiar to my heart. My heart is bold enough to go where rationalizing refuses to trespass. my emotions take on the form of words adding extra syllables just to make the feeling last. I’m tired of being tongue tied and stuck on stupid, spewing words continents away from lucid. If I had the power I would fire Cupid for blindly shooting, lacking astuteness, leaving my heart with puncture wounds and bruises.

I hate that this is consuming me the way these feelings grab hold of these words so beautifully. It’s like I need an emotional translator to speak for me. I wish I could dictate these feelings so a scribe can put it in ink for me, But words have a history of being lost in translation and not too many people understand my language. These emotional barriers only add to my hearts anguish. I wish my mind was invasive so it can conquer my heart colonize and enslave it; break it and tame it, remold and rename it, something like ingenious inclination

I want to relieve this irritation. My thoughts are chafing from the friction of emotions rubbing against my prefrontal cortex. Displays of erratic behavior has me afraid of what’s going to happen next. Commit myself with a straight jacket wrapped around my chest because these feelings have turned into voices rendering me criminally insane, with clouded thoughts unable to make coherent choices. Whispers in my ear so the orderly ups the dosage, but I’m building up tolerance for the medication. my therapy consist of failed sedations

Dr please write me another script but this time make sure my emotions are put to death by it. If you refuse this request I’ll forge your signature and sign myself over to the O.R. ligate my thought around my emotions to shut them off. I need my thoughts to freely stream to regain cerebral stability. Discharge me into the world rehabilitated by definition and let my words serve as an arsenal and mold my thoughts into the key that fits my minds ignition

You spread yourself thick, forming cysts rumoring tumors eating me from the inside attacking my self esteem first convincing me that I’m incapable without you. You tell me false truths stemming from mendacious “I love yous.” You stand up on your soapbox just to keep up public appearances claiming that you’ve always understood my emotions. But emotions were meant to felt otherwise they’d be called thoughts. Your mind is closed and I’ve never known you to have a heart. I can smell the wretchedness streaming between the gaps of your teeth poisoning me each time you display your putrid smile.

You say you want to help me and I undergo your inhumane treatment of chemotherapy suffering from cardiotoxicity. Your lack of concern and refusal to see the error of your ways makes my heart weaker. Its no longer efficient in pumping hope and circulating love to what’s left of my being. You hit me where it hurts then proclaim “speak to me!” but the pain makes searching for words complicating, being at a loss for words stuck contemplating with the unrelenting twinkle of suicide in my eyes. My mind is devastated, hallucinating about the times I assured myself that everything was alright. A lie I’d tell myself to keep evaporated tears from liquefying each night.

But it all falls back on me rapidly chewing through the flesh of my soul. Just when I thought everything was golden the numbness wears off, the morphine tap drips dry and I’m left alone. Alone crying trying to figure out how the hell this all happened. Why? Why now? Why me? All unanswered questions that leave me stuck gasping for air through long winded prayers waiting for a replenished oxygen supply im not exactly sure is going to come. So I write the pain away until next time where I’ll fight the same battle struggling uphill hoping I’ll reach the peak of this mountain and breathe again. Live again without holding my breath wondering which organ you’ll shut down next as you spread through my system constantly declining my health.

“We suffer from an affliction called the human condition that swallows our love like cancer”- Michele Henderson.

If there are any words on this earth that will describe how I feel, I do not know of their existence. My emotions are an unknown entity inscribed within the ancient constellations. The Mayans can ensure the validity of my being. What is inside of my spirit is larger than me. My love is as strong as the spirit of the Sphinx which overlooks Egypt’s desserts and outstretches beyond the seven seas.
If there is a way to decode these encrypted thoughts that can put these emotions into words, it is just beyond my reach. Words escape the cups of my palm and dangle helplessly from my fingertips. The communicative strings have been doused in doubt and I’m losing my grip. I’m talking in incomplete sentences with fragmented emotions uttering gibberish, not one complete thought manages to slip. Soundless words form in my throat behind motionless lips. These feelings speak some ancient text so I sign in hieroglyphics hoping you can feel it.
If there is any way to make these words sing, I do not have the ability to read music sheets. I can hum sounds of love into your ear until you feel as I think. If you prefer to read then I can paint you a picture of manuscript using these emotions as ink , And I’ll write until these words become poetry rooting themselves deep.

Haven’t posted here in a while… I’ll get back to it soon enough